


And These Fingertips Will Never Run Through Your Skin

by Kingdom_of_Roses



Series: Earth - 199942 [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ableism, Break ups don't have winners, Don't copy to another site, Dry Humor, F/M, Fluffy like a rock, Implicit Biphobia, Internalized Misogyny, Jealousy, Love isn't enough, M/M, Makeups and Breakups, Non-Graphic Panic Attack with Support, Not Pepper/Tony Positive, POV Pepper Potts, Polyamorous Character, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22080757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kingdom_of_Roses/pseuds/Kingdom_of_Roses
Summary: Pepper's relationship with Tony from him hiring her as his PA to about 2015
Relationships: Background James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark, Joanna Nivena/Tony Stark, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Series: Earth - 199942 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/921492
Kudos: 11





	And These Fingertips Will Never Run Through Your Skin

Virginia Potts first met Tony Stark after threatening to mace his bodyguard. 

Virginia had found a calculation error in the forecasting for her division’s expenditures. Her in-line supervisor had agreed with her, but had trouble getting anyone else because “Mr. Stark did those calculations himself.” The man wasn’t a god, he could make mistakes, and she intended to tell him so to his face if this lumbering oaf would just _move_.

She had successfully side-stepped the badge reader, moving through with the mail boy, rushed past the executive secretary while she was getting up with her coffee cup, and literally tripped past the first security guard’s attempt to stop her. Lucky for her she had brought her purse and had her mace in hand before the second guard could leave his seat. Turning back to the door, an oaf had taken up residence to glower at her.

Stark was eventually drawn out of his office by the commotion, and once she had his attention she explained what she had found, complete with an itemized report for him to look through. Which of course he didn’t. Why would he? He’s the CEO and she was just some random program manager. Instead he was clicking through something on his computer, not even paying attention.

“Ms. Potts, graduated from Columbia Business School with an MBA and a BA in art history, currently languishing in my med tech accounting division,” he interrupted her fierce defense of her actions, his eyes lifting to meet hers, then back down to the screen. “You’ve been here for two years and have earned three promotions, and none of this explains why you were threatening Happy.”

Oh God. She was going to be fired. She was going to be fired and have to go back home and be called ‘Ginny’ and deal with Grant’s patronizing attitude and her father’s apathy and ‘Why-can’t-you-be-more-like-our-neighbor-Becky’s successful family.

Well, if she was going down, she was going to rub it in Stark’s face he was wrong. “Everyone insisted you couldn’t make a mistake, so they wouldn’t even pass it up the chain to protect your giant ego.” 

Stark’s eyebrows rose, “Did you try making an appointment with Bambi?”

“... Who’s Bambi?”

His mouth tilted up on the side, “My secretary. Maybe try that first, next time. Happy’ll thank you. Anyways, how would you like a promotion?”

She couldn’t have heard that right, “A what?”

“A promotion. Sort of. I need a new PA, someone that can take on a group of bodyguards without blinking and has conviction. Plus I have an art collection that’s gathering dust because I don’t know what’s in it.”

“What’s the catch?”

“Horrendously long hours, wrangling my schedule, interfacing with the Board of Directors, paparazzi, and most of my house guests fall into one of three categories: they want my money, my tech, or my fame.” He smirked a little at the last bit.

Virginia gaped at him, “Why on earth would I take that offer?”

“Guaranteed raise every year, dental and vision benefits, access to my credit cards, my art collection, and the ability to tell me to my face that I’ve made a mistake.” He waggled his eyebrows, “I know you like that last one.”

“Do I get time to think this over, or is it off the table when I leave?” This was an out-of-body experience; she had sprayed the bodyguard and had been tackled and was in the hospital. No one just offered all that without references.

“How does a month sound? Starting from when you get the contract, of course.” Stark turned back to his computer and typed in something. “I’ll send a courier to the address on file. Let me know if you have any revisions and I’ll set up a meeting, as long as you promise not to pepper spray Happy.”

* * *

Pepper could only watch as her partner broke down crying in his lab over the broken remains of whichever suit he had been working on. The unthinkable, apparently, had happened and a speaker had blown and Jarvis couldn’t talk. Through the suit. The speakers in the lab functioned fine, but Tony was breaking down because his suit couldn’t talk to him.

She wanted to go in and help, but Jarvis had cautioned her against it until he had received a response from Tony, stating he was worried about the charge the gauntlets were currently carrying. So she had to watch her unresponsive, crying partner be stuck in a suit until the electronic butler said it was okay to go in and comfort him. 

It was pure torture.

Jarvis started playing a meditation audio file, both in the lab and outside on the stairs for her. While listening to the calm voice urging her to breathe over the soothing sound of ocean waves Pepper was forced to consider what she would do if Tony never recovered from New York. That this is what life with him would be like.

Panic. Manic Energy. Iron Man. Avengers. Life and death situations.

Rinse and repeat.

What kind of Bitch would dump him when he was like this?

 **No.**

He would get better. Of course he would. Everyone knew he was Tony Fucking Stark.

* * *

It was everything Pepper (newly dubbed because “Ginny is the name of a tween and Virginia just makes me think of lit class. How about Pepper?”

“For my freckles?” She kept her tone neutral but he still picked up on her irritation.

“No, as a warning. That you carry pepper spray,” he elaborated with a charming grin.) expected from the playboy CEO of Stark Industries. Her job consisted of following Stark around the head office, following him around lavish parties, and following him around business galas. 

Being Tony Stark’s PA was not a walk in the park. Not that Pepper had thought that it would be, she’d seen the business speculations and the celebrity gossip. She would’ve had to live under Yellowstone Park to miss all the news about the brilliant Tony Stark. But this was less not-a-walk-in-the-park and more why-am-I-walking-through-a-deserted-funhouse-at-night situation.

For someone the media portrayed as flighty and self-centered, Stark remembered a lot of the security guards’ and cleaning staff’s names and asked after their families when he had a minute. Yet when he was in meetings he’d habitually forget someone’s name. After the fifth time Pepper had seen him greet a secretary by name and ask after her mother before turning around and forgetting Mr. Rival CFO’s name, Pepper suspected it was a cultivated image that let Stark insult people to their face. 

Stark did party. A lot. Often. Copiously. He was the life of the party - talking excitedly, laughing, generally making an ass of himself - he always drank heavily, and always _always_ took someone home (or back to his room, or the conveniently empty study, or… _Jealous, Ginny? Shut Up, Becky!_ ) but sometimes, not often, and she only noticed after being his PA for about a year, he would stop and just... fade into the background. Only for a moment or two, and then someone would grab his attention and he’d be back in full force.

She had to restrict who actually got to have a meeting with him because more people than hours in a month felt they deserved face time with the great mind behind SI’s success. And then convincing Tony that these people deserved his attention. There were definite growing pains those first few months as she figured out that very few people met Tony’s criteria for ‘full attention,’ so she started finding ways to cover up that Tony was only maybe paying 70% (if they were lucky) attention to their question, proposal, prototype, or rant. Tours of the factories, for those with the clearance, worked marvelously. Tony could bleed off energy moving, and it was normal to look at the machines that made noise and not the person talking. 

It was only well after everything had ended that Pepper realized this was the root of their problem. When she could step back, she could see he weaponized it. Just like his tabloid reputation and “forgetfulness” he used his scattered attention to mold the situation to his advantage. As good as she was at handling him, she never saw until it was too late, he was handling her.

* * *

She was walking away from updating Tony on his day when it suddenly hit her. They were friends. Not coworkers we-awkwardly-laugh-at-the-not-that-funny-joke, not her I’ve-got-a-crush-on-you-and-I’m-giggling-awkwardly, but actual, genuine friends with inside jokes.

She’d updated him on the stock market and he’d cracked a joke with her about the CEO of Roxxon.

She smiled to herself and continued on about her day.

* * *

“And another thing” Pepper loudly said as she followed Tony into the kitchen, “asking me if I liked my present, in front of James _for the third time_ , was Not okay!” She stopped next to a black bar stool and dropped her suit jacket over the back. Her feet hurt and her ponytail was giving her a headache, but they needed to finish this discussion before turning in for the night or else breakfast was going to be awful. 

She watched Tony prepare both of them coffee across the kitchen island, noting the clench and release of his jaw as he bit back a retort.

They had been ~~fighting~~ arguing for the last hour all because of a small, tiny, comment she’d made about his time spent on Avenger gear. It was good that they were airing their grievances now instead of in public, some things needed to be hashed out safely in a familiar environment. If only Tony would listen to what she learned at counseling then these issues wouldn’t pile up. But enough was enough and they needed to wind down and move forward. Now he should apologize for not listening to her and she could use it as another attempt to get him to see her counselor…

Pepper wasn’t expecting Tony to brace both his hands on the counter after setting the coffees in the middle of the island, not meet her eyes, and say, “I think we should take a break.”

Time sort of stopped. For a long moment, Pepper tried to figure out why Jarvis was ringing such an annoying alarm.

“A _break_?! Is this about Rhodes?” A voice that sounded like her mother’s cautioned her against shrieking. “I never asked you to stop seeing him, that was your own choice!”

Tony’s face hardened as his eyes jumped to meet hers. “You didn’t have to, it was glaringly obvious you’d be jealous of anyone you’d have to share me with!” He snapped back at her before visibly taking a deep breath and rubbing a hand down his face. “I love you. I will probably always love you, but we just fought for an hour because you thought I was spending too much time on Natasha’s armor. Last month it was because I had a working lunch with Julia, _our CFO-_ ”

“You had a planning meeting without me! I’m entitled-!” Pepper interrupted, pointing an accusing finger at him.

“While you were in South Korea!” Tony shouted over her. “And before that you were upset I took Happy to a Lakers game!” He held up his hand at her sharp inhale, “I need a break. I’m going to go hang out with Rhodey and calm down, we can discuss details in a couple days.

“Jarvis, transfer the Strucker file to my tablet.”

Pepper was left alone in the kitchen, trying to figure out how to fit ‘dumped by Tony Stark’ into what she knew about herself.

* * *

“... And we have just learned that Tony Stark, CEO of Stark Industries, has proposed to his on-again, off-again girlfriend Joanna Nivena, prominent charity worker.”

Pepper paused with her sidecar halfway to her lips as she registered what was airing in the upscale bar’s TV.

Tony… _Proposed?!_ To that ~~hussy~~ ~~trollop~~ plain-jane social worker? Hadn’t Pepper seen a piece about her dating Ryan Gosling? Or was it Ryan Reynolds, no, Jake Gyllenhaal, wait, it was Benny Benassi. Maybe. It’s not like Pepper kept track of the people Tony kept bouncing back to with well-concealed apprehension and envy.

She blinked back to herself as Todd Newton moved to the next celebrity story with a perfect white smile. Pepper needed to talk to Rhodes.

~*~*~

Walking into the mansion Pepper could hear raised voices in the living room. Moving towards them she found Rhodes and Tony gesturing broadly and yelling at each other.

“You’re supposed to tell me when your grandfather visits! We agreed after Cincinnati that you’d tell me!” Pepper couldn’t remember Tony or Rhodes going to Cincinnati recently, so she didn’t know what Rhodes was referring to. She stomped her heels to give the two men a heads up she was incoming. "Do you want Happy ending up in another coma?"

“I swear on my bots that he only called me to let me know he was visiting Seattle this month!” Tony gestured wildly as she came into the room. “Pepper! Hi! I guess you saw the news?” There was a slightly manic look to his eyes.

“I’m wondering why I didn’t know before the entertainment news cycle did,” Pepper crossed her arms and raised a brow at the two men.

Rhodes cradled his forehead with his right hand and swept his left towards Tony, “This fool thought it’d be romantic to propose to Joanna while they were both trapped in an elevator in South Africa.”

“You already had a ring?” Pepper asked faintly in confusion. She didn’t remember any recent jewelry purchases.

“Not… as such?” It was a question. Why was Tony asking a question?

“Tony just happened to have a ⅝ inch washer in his pocket, which **Just Happened** to be a little loose for Joanna’s size 5 ring finger,” Rhodes stated in a flat voice.

“Oh.”

“It’s actually one of my better decisions, you have to admit,” Tony preened a little. “Next week I’m taking Joanna to San Diego. We’re going to look at fish!”

~*~*~

In an effort to give Joanna space and comfort in his home, Tony had turned one of the many guest rooms into a workout room for her. That was where Pepper found her instead of getting ready for the interview she had with the Daily Globe in three hours.

Joanna was doing aerobic exercises. She was in yoga pants and a compression bra, no makeup, red and sweating like a pig with her hair sticking to her face and back. Pepper didn’t understand, Tony could walk in at any moment.

“Hi Joanna, I wanted to check in and see if you needed any help getting ready for your interview with Mr. Brock?” Pepper asked from the doorway.

“I’m good,” Joanna puffed, not stopping her leg kicks. “Got my talking points there,” she pointed to a poster by the TV. “I always work out before giving interviews. Gets me pumped.”

“Okay, that’s good. Would you like any help with your image?” _Please say no._

Joanna paused the workout. “Thanks for the offer, Pepper, but I’ve been doing this for a couple of years now. Can’t look too corporate, can’t look too much like Prof Brainard, can’t look like Marine Biologist Barbie, or the message won’t get through.” She took a long drink from her water bottle.

“Okay! Great! Well, I’m going to go… check… something!” Pepper said before sticking her nose into her PDA and fleeing the scene.

“And don’t worry!” Joanna shouted from behind her, “I talked it over with Tony; when they ask how I can be with an industrialist, I’ll just point out that unlike ExxonMobil, he actually uses his green patents.”

~*~*~

“Ginny, sweetie! So nice to hear from you,” Pepper’s Mom answered the phone. “I saw that handsome boss of yours on TV again. His fiance is gorgeous!”

“Yes Mom, Joanna is very nice,” Pepper stared up at the ceiling from where she was sitting on her bed. “She’s perfect.”

“Oh, I know that tone. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing Mom,” Pepper sighed, “I mean, Joanna is all about her charity and Tony is all about SI and there’s very little overlap besides their history of fu-, um, seeing each other.”

“Sweetheart, you know I love you, but you’ve always been very quick to judge and very slow to question your judgment.” Pepper could just picture her mom settling in at the old kitchen table to lecture her once again over something she felt her only daughter had failed at.

“Mom-”

“Virginia. You need to evaluate your situation and your self. Why are you so unhappy that your boss, who you talk so highly of, is marrying a woman he has had a long relationship with?”

“I don’t like what you’re implying,” Pepper said sharply and heard her mom exhale slowly.

“Remember when you were little and you came home crying because Becky called you stuck up? Your father and I tried to get you to talk to her again so many times, she wanted to apologize, but you’d made up your mind and nothing we said made you budge an inch. You’re no longer ten and sticking to your guns lost you a friend then and could lose you so much more now.”

Pepper refused to acknowledge the burning in her eyes.

~*~*~

Pepper was going over the agenda of the upcoming meeting. She was trying to take her mom’s advice and work on herself and take it one day at a time. She liked working for Tony and she wouldn’t let his marital bliss get in the way of that. She was taking a deep breath to recenter herself when she heard, “I don’t get it Platypus, I thought taking her to see your mom was the right move.”

Did she hear that right? Tony tried to take Joanna to see _Rhodes’_ mom? Sounded like it didn’t go over well, judging by the way Tony was getting into the whiskey.

“I know Tones, but I think that was what tipped her off she didn’t understand what was going on.” Pepper tracked Rhodes’ hand rubbing Tony’s arm.

“But you’re my family, and Roberta’s my family, why wouldn’t I want my Joanna to meet you?” The glassy-eyed look Tony directed up at Rhodes from his slouch was making her uncomfortable.

Rhodes rested his cheek on Tony’s head, “Judging by how she reacted, I think she thought she was going to be more of a beard than you pictured it.”

“That doesn’t make sense, as the press is so fucking fond of pointing out, I was basically dating the spiritual representation of my mom.”

“Um,” Pepper thought it was time to remind them they weren’t alone on the company jet.

Both men looked up at her, “Oh, sorry Pepper, that was probably too much TMI about your boss.” Tony slurred contritely. “Hey! Did you hear about the time Honeybunches here found me in Edmonton, three sheets to the wind, playing monopoly and lecturing on economic theory with the Mounties?”

“No?” Pepper settled into the new-old reality of Tony Stark wasn’t engaged.

* * *

Pepper realized she needed to take time for herself and stop waiting for the ideal time to magically pop into her schedule. There was never going to be a good time for this one-on-one and she just needed to grit her teeth and do it, like ripping off a band-aid. 

Last month she’d had to watch while Tony yelled into his phone at Fury demanding to know _why_ he hadn’t been given a heads up about Dr. Selvig’s activity in England that eventually lead to yet another alien invasion of Earth ( _“You shut your face,_ Gods _my award-winning facial hair. Are they native to Earth? Then they’re aliens, Fury, aliens I can’t respond to if you mothball one of the few experts we have because the Tesseract scrambled a few of his marbles.”_ ) and had to find out via **CNN** that they were being hit again, less than a year after the first time. 

What was Fury thinking, having a first responder team that couldn’t respond first?

She watched Tony panic over bystanders who hadn’t been evacuated, over monuments taken out more effectively than if Godzilla had been imported, over Not Being Able To Help. All he wanted to do was help Thor, help Dr. Foster, help England, but he was stuck in New York, three hours away from being useful beyond cleanup. Pepper knew she was damn lucky he didn’t try to verbally bludgeon information out of Fury while on his way to London; it took Bruce pointing out he needed a sitrep _“and what if they hit America next, Tony. You need to be here, not over the Atlantic if that happens”_. As it was Tony was using Extremis to hack into as many video feeds he could get his brain on and still avoid walking into walls.

She was right there by his side on the phone talking to SI subsidiaries in the EU, gathering information and coordinating a response for when the aliens left. All the while secretly guilty that she was relieved the attack was happening to London and not New York, which was still limping towards being whole again from its alien visitors. Focusing on numbers helped her aggressively ignore the part of her that had reveled in the violence of beating the fire out of Killian, the same part that was currently pointing out she could get more of that action if she just put on a suit and flew across the pond.

When the dust had settled, Thor was nowhere to be seen, but neither were the aliens, so they supposed that had been dealt with. _“More advanced my ass, can’t even drop us a text message. J, you have Dr. Foster’s number yet?”_

So Pepper sent Tony to deal with Fujikawa Industries, which gave her a good two weeks to argue with herself on where she wanted their relationship to go, and conveniently meant she didn’t have to deal with Rumiko for another quarter. There was an idea boiling in the back of her head, had been for the past 8 months. The Mandarin incident had thrown it into relief, but she knew before that something had to change. He was hurting her and she was hurting him. A jab here, a misunderstanding there, an extended miscommunication front and center, all adding up to This Isn’t Working Right.

But she was Pepper Potts, the famous PA turned CEO that was the only one who could put up with her boss (except for Happy, and Rhodey, and Mrs. Arbogast, and Julia, and Carol, and Jessica, and...), and if she couldn’t make it work with a man she had been friends with for over a decade, did she really deserve all the other praise? If she couldn’t make the one romantic relationship she’d had in the last 10 years work - _Mom, no I don’t want to go on a blind date, I have work due for Mr. Killian this week. Yes I know it’s New Years. Well, if I want to get anywhere I need to show I’m willing to make sacrifices._ \- how much flak was she going to get reverting to the stereotypical career woman? Childless, frigid, ballbusting bitch would probably be the kindest she could hope for. Certainly better than the jokes about how good her blow jobs must be to suck CEO out of Stark.

On that depressing thought she poured herself a martini and sat down to look up couples counselors. It would be irresponsible to not try to get professional help before imploding the most important social tie she had. Maybe the shrink would say she was right and Tony was wrong, and to fix their relationship he needed to follow all of her directives. Pepper shook her head and firmly shoved that thought into the box she usually kept a firm lid on, all the insecure, mean, ‘it’s not my fault!’ and ‘Everyone would cheer if I just unleashed my temper on them’ urges that a Good Person does not let outside their head. She worked very hard to not be a fiery redhead cliche, but the longer she was with Tony, the more she wanted to rip into people who infringed on what was _hers_. That waitress hadn’t deserved her wrath, so what if she was making eyes at Tony, he only paid attention to Pepper.

It boiled down to the fact Pepper did not like the person she was becoming. Jealous, insecure, spiteful. Tony’s brand of communication was not helping. During the Mandarin fight, he wasn’t hearing her when she said she didn’t like the bunny until she was shoving his face in it. She hadn’t wanted to do that, she tried to be nice about rejecting it, but he kept on asking for clarification on what she felt was a clear answer. He had more money than the devil, yet he crawled into his suits rather than spend a little on seeing a therapist for his PTSD.

Counseling worked. Sort of. For a while. It got them to the next round of ‘Oh shit the world’s ending!’ the D.C. remix edition. An attack on the capital wasn’t really the best time to have the Let’s-just-be-friends gut spillage, so Pepper packed it away with guilty relief. 

She honestly didn’t want to hurt her best friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Posted 01JAN2020
> 
> Happy New Year!
> 
> Title from [Love Love Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beiPP_MGz6I) by Of Monsters and Men 
> 
> A big chunk of this installment came about after I had been reading a lot of fics that either made Pepper an angel or a devil-whore and Tony's the woobie who lost the relationship, or she is. 
> 
> Then I watched Homecoming. I had trouble wrapping my head around the ring scene until I realized it would have gone much differently if she had dumped him. And I started to think to myself, "Why would Tony dump the woman he considers the best thing to have happened to him?" 
> 
> And ta-da!


End file.
